Vic v Walt
by Auntieoaty
Summary: Thank you ThinkingBeforeTalking for letting me piggy-back on your Walt v. X series. I hope I have lived up to your standard.


I had been sitting at my desk reviewing paperwork when Vic entered the open doorway of my office. But when she pushed it shut with more than the required amount of force to close it, a sense of self preservation struck and I stood up.

"Damnit, Walt!"

"I know Vic. I'm sorry."

"Don't 'I know' me! You promised!"

"Not exactly. I said I'd do my best."

"Oh well, excuse the hell outta me for thinking that meant you would actually do your best and I wouldn't be stuck doing this again."

"Vic... I didn't ..."

When I started to speak she turned toward the door of my office that led out to the landing, then swung her eyes back to me, stopping my stammering completely, "You know what? Forget it, just forget it!"

The echo resounded from her slamming of my office door. I stared at the glass in the upper portion of the door amazed that it was still intact. With considerable effort I returned to my chair and the paperwork spread across my desk.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I got home about 9:30 pm, more than 14 hours since I had left; it felt like a week. When I stepped out of the truck I noticed the front room light was off. I could've sworn I left it on but it could have burned out, I couldn't remember when I had changed it last. One thing was certain, I was tired because I should've noticed the light was out long before I got out of the truck. My legs protested the few steps up to the porch. The knob turned easily and the door swung open. My thoughts were on a shower and as many hours of sleep as I could get in before 7:00 am. I stumbled slightly as I crossed the threshold and walked headlong into a pillow flying directly into my face.

"What the hell?"

Another pillow glanced off my left shoulder and a third flattened against my chest.

"You promised!"

Four, five, proof, proof, poof; I lost count.

"Vic?!" I grappled for the lamp switch as pillow 20 or 30 ricocheted off the lampshade and hit me in the face. I growled, "Vic?! What the hell are you doing?" Several of my words were punctuated with pillows bouncing off me or objects very near me. The last one was not thrown, it was swung straight at my head. "Damnit, Vic!"

"You promised!"

Swish, a swing and a miss as I lunged across the room. Poof, another small pillow, this one to the back of my head.

"I did not promise. I said I would do my best…"

Poof, a base hit to the face. I ducked, for what good it would do.

"Well, now I'm doing _my_ best!"

Poof, poof, poof, poof a barrage of little pillows. Did they make a pillow machine gun? I bolted again, reaching the bedroom, I sprawled on my stomach. When I twisted to pushed the door shut behind me, I discovered it had been removed from the hinges. "What the hell? Vic?! Where the hell is my bedroom door?!"

"You'll get it back when I'm done!"

Poof, poof, poof, poof more little pillows. "I don't own any little pillows. And I know I don't own this many pillows."

"I brought my own ammo. You get the two on your bed."

"Two?! I get two? What are you…"

"I've declared war on you, Walt. And I brought my own ammo!" She said. This is if it explained everything. I was tired, frustrated, and under attack by a very feisty and irritated, diminutive Italian deputy.

I made my way via a lizard impersonation to the far side of the bed. "Just tell me the only ammo you brought to this war was little pillows."

"Nope."

"Then just shoot me and get it over with, Vic. I'm tired and I just want to take a shower and go to bed."

"Shit Walt, I'm not gonna shoot you. Haven't you ever had a damned pillow fight before? You don't bring a gun to a pillow fight!"

"Yeah, well, you said you didn't just bring those rapid fire little pillows. What the hell was I supposed to think you meant by ammo?"

Silence.

I swallowed and it seemed an unusually loud to my ears. "Vic?"

Swoosh poof! A body blow from my shoulder to my knee. "What was that?" I wriggled under the bed on my back and to my right. Well, at least the floor under my bed was now dusted.

"Body pillow." She had been lying on my bed when she struck and when she spoke.

Pfft, I started to answer but realized she might not know where I was. Temptation led me to consider reaching up and snatching my pillow down and going to sleep where I lay.

"Walt?" Her tone vanquished the temptation with its determined and relentless quality. She wouldn't quit until she found me. "Waallt?!" Her warning clear and volume closer, but still some distance. A glanced to my left revealed a flash of white skin above ankle socks, she was off the bed. I would only get one chance at executing my plan of attack. I wriggled out from under the bed and rolled on to my stomach, by way of my left side, keeping my eyes on her feet. She shifted her weight. "Walt?!" I drew my knees up, rolled my torso back over my legs, and braced my palms flat prepared to pounce. As soon as I saw her roll up on her toes, in order to drop down and looked under the bed, I sprang up and onto the bed snatching up both pillows in the process. I sprawled across the bed a pillow clamped in each hand and flailed both arms over the side repeatedly. Swoosh poof, swoosh poof. The bed bounced from the underside as Vic used my escape route. A barely discernible "Damnit Walt." was muted as I assumed she rolled under the bed with her body pillow; whatever that was.

Vic scrambled to her feet and dashed from the room. I should have rolled across the bed and got up on the other side. As it was I lost precious time having to round the bed in order to get out of the bedroom and into the front room. When I reached the front room I noticed Vic sliding in her sock feet across the kitchen floor. I flipped lights on as I ran through the house. Having gained more momentum than I thought, I too slid across the kitchen floor, stopping only when I made contact with my back door. One glanced out the little window told me there was no escape to be found here. Vic had backed her truck up to the door and lowered the tailgate. Since this particular door opened out and the tailgate gave it less than an inch clearance the door and I had not chance. I crouched down and made my way toward the counter. Using one of my pillows as a shield I stretched up over the counter and pummeled Vic with my second pillow. Vic volleyed one small pillow after another at me and then snatched my pillow from me from around the edge of the counter; I hadn't even seen her hand. It occurred to me that the bathroom door was still on its hinges, I had seen it when I was rounding the foot of my bed. I considered running straight to the bathroom and locking myself in there; I could at least get my shower. I also considered running out the front door, jumping in my truck and hiding out at the Red Pony, leaving Vic to pillow fight solo. But that somehow rang of cowardice, so I ran to the front room devoid of any possible strategy. Entering the front room at high speed I vaulted over the arm of the recliner, slipped on the rug and slid into the end table.

"Shit!"

"What happened?"

"I hit my knee."

"Is it bad?"

"Bad enough I'll have a war limp for a few days."

"Too bad."

I quickly striped the cushions from the couch and tossed them between the end table and the wall, as Vic ran back into the room throwing more little pillows at me. Vic charged at me in a frenzied attack. Her weapon of choice was my bed pillow. Was that even that legal?

I pushed the heels of my boots into the edge of the area rug as Vic closed the distance between us. She neared the couch I pressed down on my heels and drew them under me. Whoosh, the rug slid toward me and knocked Vic off balance and onto the empty couch. Bolting up to my feet as fast as my sore knee would allow. I leaned over and pummeled her as fast as I could with two cushions from the couch.

"Shit, Walt! That's cheating! Those are _not_ pillows, you gotta use pillows."

"Yeah? Well, you used my own pillow against me! _That_ has to be against the rules."

"Says who?"

"Well I don't know. Maybe we need to look up the _rules_ of pillow fighting."

Sarcasm reached a new high from Vic, "Yeah we'll do that when this fight is over!"

"But Vic how will we know when this fight is over if we don't know the rules?"

"Shut up!" She started another swinging barrage against me; again with _my_ pillow, cheater.

For defense I resumed my one, two combination on her with the couch cushions but she was getting retaliatory strikes in. I swung harder but that reduced my speed and afforded her more opportunity to bop me. Change of tact, I decreased the power and increased my speed, succeeding in keeping her pinned to the couch.

When I was growing tired I delivered a final one, two with the cushions, "Give up?"

"Hell no!"

She clipped me behind the knees and I went down like a sack full of door knobs; nosily and lacking any possible gracefulness. "Oooff"

Her knee was in front of my face and I rested my forehead on it while I tried to catch my breath. The sound of her drawing in a deep lung full of air indicated Vic was also working on catching her breath.

Having gained enough air to speak, I raised my head and asked, "What is this, intermission?"

"No, end of round one."

"Round one? You've gotta be kidding.. How many rounds are there?"

"As many as it takes."

Trying not to sound like a petulant child, I pleaded, "Come on Vic have had a long day."

"I don't want to hear it. I've had an _Omar_ day!"

She brought my pillow down onto my head and then batted me sideways with a surprisingly powerful blow.

Round two. Boy Howdy!


End file.
